Monday, July 11, 2011

Oasis Hot/Cold Water Cooler - A simple device to drive you insane.

I normally wouldn't think something so inocculous like a water cooler would be the end of me, but i guess one never really knows what will be the thing to push them over the edge. In reality, i really shouldn't concern myself over such a consumerist, luxury item that i probably don't even need. As i reflect on my experience with purchasing this product, i now know what made me so upset. It wasn't the product itself, or the long wait to finally receive it, but the let down from the expectations that i had for it. Now my hatred is such, that i feel compelled to write about how terrible this product, and my experience ordering it was.

Yes, it fucking looked like that.
It was around the beginning of May 2011 when i was at work, and decided to have some coffee. It's not something I drink often, but on that day I was feeling a little sluggish, and really needed that pick me up. I used the hot water dispenser that we have in our office, and was happily shocked to find that the water that came out was basically boiling. I'm not someone who likes luke-warm water. I either like it freezing cold, or boiling hot. So this was a pleasant surprise. I was able to make some instant coffee, and it was piping hot. It was coffee bliss.

After having such a wonderfully simple treat, i thought about my own water cooler at home. I had a pretty nice one i had gotten from Lowes about 3 years ago, which was coincidentally was starting to have problems. It was leaking very slowly. Not really a big deal, but enough to see a puddle on the floor after a few days. It had a "cold" side, but it did not have a "hot" side. So it was then i decided that i wanted a new cooler. I called up my water supplier, and found out that they only have white hot/cold water coolers, and that if i wanted a black/stainless one that they would have to special order it, and i'd have to pay a premium fee every month for it.. upwards around 20 dollars a month, AND it would take them 6 weeks to arrive. It didn't take long for me to realize it'd be cheaper and faster to just buy one myself (or so i thought).

I went to Lowes, and Home Depot, and several other stores, and just couldn't find the perfect water cooler that had all the looks, style, and capabilities and color i was looking for. I started to search around the web, and i eventually came across the Oasis site, and saw the water cooler i wanted.

It was glorious.

It was also really fucking expensive. Depending on where you got it, you could be looking upwards of $320 dollars after shipping and tax. So when i found it on Amazon, i had to jump on that deal.

Little did i know what lie ahead for me. So i place my order May 12, and shipping was expected to be 2 days. I went on with my life, happily. Now... i know i don't have the best memory, so of course a week or two had gone by, and i remembered the water cooler, and wondered where it was. I looked up the tracking information, and i could see it had my correct address, but it had been travelling in the opposite direction of where i lived. I live on the west coast, and last tracking showed it in Virginia. WTF. I emailed the store that shipped it, to see if they could get in contact with fedex, and correct the shipping. But alas, they said they couldn't do anything, and that i just had to wait. Another couple weeks roll on by, and i'm opening cases with Amazon left and right, and finally, when it looks like i'm about to get refunded, it arrives. Great.. I open it up, and find that there are no instructions, no registration card, nothing.. just the water cooler. Not even all that well packed. The box itself looked like it had been humped by an elephant.

Remnants from Elephant Love Relations.

The cooler was intact though, so i set it up, and because i had previous experience, i knew to rinse it out with warm water and vinegar.
I go to assemble it finally, and realize it's missing a component (the splashguard) that was supposed to help prevent water from slopping all over the place when you replaced the bottle. I again have to talk to the shop that sent the package, and the lady doesnt' even know what part i'm talking about. She needed me to tell her the part #, so i look it up on google, and tell her. I think they went and bought it, and had it shipped from the Oasis company to me.

So after another few days, i was able to finally put everything together, and have some water. At this point, i'm going to let my amazon review do the talking (pictures added for emphasis):

I bought this cooler on May 11, 2011, and didn't receive if until 5 weeks later. "Tool Hardware Shop" was fast to respond to my emails, but did nothing to resolve the issue, and offered no apologies or sorry's for a package lost in shipping. When i finally did receive it, it did not have the waterguard which was originally stated in the description as having. Anyway, now that i've been using the product for a few months, i can tell you that this thing is SUPER LOUD.. like a monkey banging on some garbage can lids. 

My old water cooler had a refrigerated part, but not a hot part. So i thought this would be a nice replacement, and it's one of the few that had both hot/cold and stainless design. Unfortunately this product is just terrible. It's so loud, period. The good looks and function of this product are totally ruined by the clunker noises coming from this thing. This things engine is like the jalopy of water dispensers. 

Actual Scared kitten.
 My cats get spooked every time it kicks in to starts cooling, the knocking is so loud from this thing, it's like we're getting raided by the FBI every time the motor starts up. Also, there is tons of condensation on the inside of the bottle. Bottom line is.. if you are deaf, then this is an alright product for you. But if you have any kind of hearing left, this product is way too loud. I can hear it from upstairs in my room with the door closed. The hot water is ok, and so is the cold water. The other drawback is that the ports are kinda short, so my ice trays have a hard time getting under it. I guess my old water cooler was better designed. I just really hate getting a white one, but it seems like i'm going to be stuck doing so. Stay away from this product, and this company.

Sounds like this.

so now, i feel like i spent so much money on this thing, the manufacturer won't do anything about it, and i'm pretty much stuck with it now..... the constant.... clanging... clunking... driving me... slowly........ mad...

I'm not quite sure, but sometimes i can hear the sounds of a thousand
 screams coming from the water cooler. Then i realize... it's coming from me.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Haircuts and Head Massages?

Ok, so I've gone to the same barber since I was 5 years old, and recently he passed away, and the shop closed. So sure i kinda feel bad that he's dead, but really i'm more pissed that i have to alter my life just because someone decides it's time to up and die on me. Of course i hate change, and i know that the process of finding another barber is going to be both gruelling and infuriating. So i procrastinate as long as i can, until my head starts to feel like I'm wearing a wool hat full time. So my arduous journey begins....

So first thing we have to get clear is, that I want a Barber Shop. Not a Beauty salon, or a place where they cut both men and women's hair, but an old fashioned Barber Shop, where it's dominated by old men reading newspapers and talking about sports.

Well surprisingly I find just a place nearby, and i proceed to get my hair cut. So as I'm getting my hair cut, everything seems fine, except near the end, when I think the barber is about to be finished, he up and outs starts to massage my head. At this point I'm suffering a bit of SHOCK AND AWE, and basically just confused as to what the fuck is going on here. After a few minutes of head throbbing massage, he stops and brushes away the hair, and takes the smock off me. I then proceed to pay the bill, and leave, all the while still in utter shock of what just occurred. Did I just get head raped, i had to ask myself...

Well, another couple months roll by, and i decide not to go to that place, and i try out another barber shop, and low and behold... the same shit happens again. It's like that fucking old Ashton Kutcher show where i expect him to jump out yelling i've been pranked. Except no one does jump out. And i walk out feeling like i should of at least been taken out to dinner before being head fondled.

It turns out that these head massages are the new rage in barber circles. I guess it started with some crazy people in India and now it's all over the place.

Well, now it looks like i'm relegated to cutting my own hair, and wearing a hat for the rest of my life.

here are some vids: